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Public Speaking Coach: Creating a Successful Relationship

September 28, 2009 By admin Leave a Comment

As a Public Speaking Coach who works with various public figures on their public speaking, I find the dynamic of the coaching relationship fascinating from client to client. Every client is unique in their wants, needs, challenges, and goals.

Earlier this year Harvard Business Review posted some interesting findings on why coaches are called. They found that ten years ago executive coaches were hired to fix “toxic behavior”; however, now coaches are being hired to develop skills and improve potential. This is probably why we have seen speech coaches hired more and more. Couple this finding with the fact that communication skills ranks high in necessary leadership skills and you have a growing need.

So when it comes to speech coaching, how can both the client and the coach create a successful relationship? [Read more...]

Presenting Your Best Self

September 14, 2009 By admin Leave a Comment

I’m sure I’m not the only person who does this:

The other day my friend called and asked if she could drop by for lunch. I said, “Sure!” She said, “Great, I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” So, for the next ten minutes, what did I do? I cleaned! I ran around like crazy picking things up, wiping things down, putting things in tidy piles, and throwing the rest in the bedroom.

Why did I do it? Because I wanted to project my best self to my friend. Even though the “natural state” of my home is a bit unorganized, I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible in my house. Granted, she would have understood if the place wasn’t perfectly tidy, but I wanted it to look nice for her.

This is often the same situation we find ourselves in when we meet someone for the first time, give a seminar, or are trying to pitch an idea or product to someone. Even though our “natural” state is nervous and wracked with insecurities, we want to project our best self to the listening party. We communicate confidence by sitting up straight, talking in a confident tone of voice, and taking our time to gather our thoughts and communicate intelligently.

Just as my friend would understand if my home was a bit messy, our audiences might understand if we are a bit nervous in various situations. However, it is a sign of respect to present our best self to our business colleagues. We we are project our best selves, it makes our listeners much more comfortable than if we display our nervousness. Plus, we get better business results when we do!

Filed Under: Body Language, Business Communications, Public Speaking

Business Body Language: Posture

September 9, 2009 By admin Leave a Comment

“Stand up straight. Don’t slouch.”

Do you have flashbacks of your mom nudging you during church when you hear those phrases? The word “posture” has negative associations with many people for that very reason. We were scolded for most of our life about our posture, and so, we don’t like to think about it. Yet, our posture is one of the first images we send to people and therefore a critical part in making first impressions as well as lasting impressions.

How we carry ourselves is a an important factor in how people treat us. At a business conference, do you approach someone who is standing straight, smiling, with an open stance? Or do you approach the wallflower with his head hanging low and closed off? If you are in sales, wanting to network, or wanting to stand out from the crowd, how would you stand? [Read more...]

Filed Under: Body Language

Too Close for Comfort: When People Don’t Pick Up on Your Hints

September 7, 2009 By admin Leave a Comment

I’m sure this has happened to you. You’re in a social setting and you strike a conversation with someone and they start to invade your space. They stand to close and they keep talking. You feel caged in. You don’t want to be rude, but you certainly want to break away. Or at least get some breathing room!

I’ve had this happen to me plenty of times. There are a few tips and hints you can send politely with some subtle body language techniques.

1) Step back: There may be a game of shuffle-feet that happens because some people don’t pick up on that hint and move when you move. Be persistent, some people just need a few more hints before they pick it up.

2) Twist your body: Yes, it’s a bit awkward, but it gets the message across. You don’t want to be rude and ignore the person completely, but you do want to send the message that “this conversation should wrap up soon.” Point your feet away from the person, and try to line your shoulders toward where you want to be as well. You still want to look at the encroacher and make eye contact once in a while but your body will be sending the signal you need to be somewhere else.

3) Smile at other people walking by: This may look like you’re being polite to the other people, but you never know who could be your scapegoat. You could make eye contact with someone you need to talk, someone who gets the signal to save you, or you might find some poor victim to pass the conversation on to by introducing them to your invading conversationalist. Who knows?! They could have a very nice chat.

Unfortunately, I have been in many situations where I felt trapped in a conversation. If you have other suggestions or horror stories, I’d love to hear them!

Filed Under: Body Language

Body Language at the Bar: Who is Interested and Who Isn’t?

September 5, 2009 By admin 2 Comments

My friends love to bring me to bars and “people watch”. Why? Because with my training in body language, I describe what is really being said by the people around us. I describe whether or not a girl is interested in the guy talking to her. I figure out how well the couple at the table across the room know each other, if it’s a first date, friends, or relationship. And it’s always fun to place our bets on who is leaving the bar together and who will part ways.

So what exactly am I looking for when I watch these people? Well there are a few indicators that make “playing detective” simple.

Reading Body Language in Social Settings

I start by looking for the level of interest between the two people. They both could be extremely interested in each other (a good first date), one could be more interested than the other (one pursuing the other), or there can be a respectful interest in each other (friends or long-term relationship). When figuring out the engagement level between the two people, I look at their feet, their proximity, their torso, and, lastly, their faces (eye contact, smiles, etc.)

- Feet: The “tell all” body part. Our feet our by far the most honest parts of our bodies because they are closely linked to our limbic system (primal area) in our brain. The feet let us know where someone wants to be. When they are pointed towards the other person, you know they are interested and/or engaged in the conversation. When the feet are pointed towards the door or someone else, watch out. They’re trying to make a break for it, but as politely as possible.

- Proximity: A lot can be said about the space in between two individuals. The closer they are, the more intimate their relationship. However, the further apart can indicate both a new or old relationship. When both people lean away from each other, they are either getting to know one another or they are in a disagreement about something. Sometimes a “normal” amount of space with no touching can be a sign of a couple who has been together for a while. The fire of having to sit extremely close to one another and touch all the time is no longer there. It’s a different kind of intimacy they share. They are comfortable with one another. Also, you can tell when one person is interested and the other isn’t when one continues to lean in while the other leans away. One person might step closer and closer while the other keeps moving back (another indicator from the feet).

- Torso: Next, I look at the torso. Two people could be sitting next to one another with close proximity, but if one person’s torso keeps twisting away from the other person, look out. Chances are they are losing interest and scanning the room for other options. It’s always a good sign when two people are squared up to one another. It shows they are fully engaged and interested in each other. But when any other part of the body starts to veer away, that person is losing interest.

- Face: Lastly, I look at the face. Some people my wonder why. After all the face is supposed to be the most expressive part of our body. True, however, it’s also the easiest to manipulate and lie with. A smile can easily be faked. We’ve been faking smiles since we were kids and our smelly aunt would come and give us a kiss on the cheek and leave an imprint of lipstick on our face. We smiled because it was polite. We fake our smiles and much more even better as we get older. However, I will look at the face to determine how genuine their expressions are. I’ll see if their eyes look at other people when their counterpart breaks eye contact. The face can still give some valuable information, but it certainly isn’t the place to start.

So now you know a few body language tips for watching people in social situation. Place your bets the next time you go out with friends and test how well you can read the body language of others.

Filed Under: Body Language

A Good Handshake: Why are there so many bad ones out there?

September 3, 2009 By admin Leave a Comment

It amazes me how many bad handshakes are out there. In my last post, I talked about how a good handshake plays an important part in job interviews and first impressions. But what exactly constitutes a good or bad handshake? [Read more...]

Filed Under: Body Language

Interview Skills and Body Language

September 1, 2009 By admin 1 Comment

While our nation continues to recover from the latest economic crisis, many Americans are still out looking for a job. Some have only lost their job recently while others have been unemployed for over a year. Job interviews are never as easy as we’d like them to be, and with so much on the line for individuals and their families, the pressure is higher than ever to give a good interview.

Body Language is important for Job Interviews

When you are in a situation that makes you nervous or anxious, like a job interview, your body reacts to the stress. Your heart begins to race, you breathe more shallow, your palms sweat, and next thing you know your mind goes blank and you can’t remember your phone number to put on the application!

These are all unconscious reactions to the stress of the situation. Unfortunately, your body language is closely tied to your unconscious mind. You might be sending out signals indicating your nervousness. These signals could easily be misinterpreted as lack of confidence, lack of knowledge, or weakness. You must consciously be aware of your body language in order to present your best self. Here are a few tips you should remember.

First impression: Your first impression should be one of confidence, enthusiasm and charisma. Don’t appear timid when saying hello to your interviewer. Staring at the floor and speaking softly does not instill confidence. Instead, when you say hello, stand tall making eye contact with your interviewer, smile and give a firm handshake. Weak handshakes imply a weak person.
Confidence: Throughout your interview, you want to square up to your interviewer. These means your shoulders and chest are evenly aligned with his/her shoulders and chest. Maintain eye contact when answering questions. It’s okay to break eye contact once in a while to gather your thoughts – that’s perfectly normal – but when your giving your response be sure to look at the other person.
Plug up the leaks: “Leakage” is the common term used in the study of body language. When we are trying to conceal something, our body language often “leaks” out signals that indicate how we really feel. Here are a few common “leaks” you need to plug during your interview:

Tapping, shaking, twitching feet. This is the biggest indicator of nervousness.

Slouching, leaning back, or not directly facing the interviewer. This is either a sign of lack of confidence or engagement.

Self touch. This means playing with your hair, rubbing your neck, fiddling with your jewelry, rubbing your hands together, or rubbing the tops of your thighs. We use self touch to sooth ourselves in stressful situation. Try to sit still and calmly during your interview.

Each of these will help you even if you’re on a phone interview. The more confident your body language is, the more confident you will feel, and the more confident your voice will sound over the phone.

Filed Under: Body Language, Business Communications

Affluent Magazine Publishes Sharí’s Article…

August 24, 2009 By admin Leave a Comment

Please visit Affluent Magazine’s Web site and read my article “Communications 101 for Managers”.

Filed Under: Business Communications, Corporate Communications, Influential Communications, Leadership Communications, Strategically Speaking

Give ‘Em What They Want!: Getting Your Audience Interested in Your Presentation

June 23, 2009 By admin Leave a Comment

As I’ve discussed in previous posts, it’s important in your presentation to have a balanced mix of what your audience wants to hear and what they need to hear. It is sometimes difficult for presenters to distinguish the difference between the two – because it’s all interesting to us!

So to help you find the “want to knows” here is a small (and growing) list of ideas. Please keep in mind, the “want to knows” are not necessarily the steps, processes, or action items. Instead, a “want to know” is the picture you paint of how their life will be if they implement your suggestions. You have to make the end-result crystal clear in their minds in order for them to even consider listening to you action plan. Read through the list and see if you have any “want to know” you’d like to add… [Read more...]

Filed Under: Business Communications, Communication Observations, Corporate Communications, Influential Communications, Leadership Communications, Political Communications, Public Speaking, Strategically Speaking

Leadership Communications: Avoid Being a Bad Leader

June 22, 2009 By admin Leave a Comment

Recently my article “Being a Bad Leader: 5 Ways to Improve Your Leadership Abilities Through Communication” was featured in Training Magazine Online. Click here to read the article!