Complaints happen. It’s a fact of life. One of your team members feels snubbed by something you said in the last meeting and so he complains to his coworkers to vent his frustrations. Someone doesn’t feel appreciated and they spend the day hopping from cubicle to cubicle making sure everyone knows they should be appreciated. Or, there is a building tension amongst your group and the culture of complaints seems to be spreading a viral YouTube video.
If you notice that your office is on the verge of collapse from complaints, keep reading.
People often latch on to a subject and continue to complain about it until they feel 1) they have been heard and/or 2) there is something being done to fix it. It depends on the person and the situation if they need both outcomes or just one. However, each outcome has to be to their satisfaction. Meaning: they decide when they feel heard and they decide if the “next action step” is suitable.
How do you lead a conversation that allows them to feel heard? And how can you tell when they reach an agreeable state of mind?
First step: Leading the conversation
The problem with most conversations (especially in the office) is that everyone walks in with assumptions and statements. They assume what the other person is thinking and feeling. They assume what the right course of action is. And they assume that they are in the right. You know what they say when you assume… (Sorry, couldn’t help myself.)
Locked and loaded with their assumptions, leaders will them fire away with statements. They lay out their perceptions, how things should be, and how to get things back on track. This is not how you exterminate complaints. In fact, having this kind of a meeting is what creates fertile ground for more complaints to fester in the office. If you’re doing all the talking, you’re getting no where.
Instead, you need to open up with questions. Then listen. This means, no interruptions, and no shoving your opinion in the mix. Remember, the complaints have persisted because they don’t feel heard. This is your chance to allow them to vent out all the toxins. If you interrupt that process, you are starting all over again.
Once you ask your questions and have listened, you then summarize what you have heard. Feel free to use the classic phrase, “What I heard you say was….” Ask, listen, and repeat. This can take sometime. It depends on the person and the situation as to how many rounds you need to go through. It is well worth the time spent on this process, otherwise, you’ll be spending more time and energy if you allow the complaining to continue. Continue the process of ask, listen, and repeat until you see signs that the other person has shared all they needed and feel that you have a grasp of the situation and their feelings.
Second step: See the signs of agreeableness
Here are a few signs that you can spot that tell you the other person has reached a calmer state. In other words, they feel they have been heard.
They stop talking: After practicing the listen and repeat method, if they have nothing else to add, they simply stop talking. This is the most easy and straight forward sign.
Relaxation: A distinctive relaxation, particularly in the shoulders, signifies they have vented all they needed.
Breath: When they’ve talked themselves into submission, you will see them return to normal breathing patterns. You might even see something as obvious as a sigh of relief.
Sitting back: While in complaint-mode, they probably have been leaning forward and/or sitting at the edge of their chair. Once they feel they have been heard, they will sit back in a more comfortable posture.
Nodding: It’s always a good sign when you get their head to nod in agreement. This means they are open to moving on to the third step.
Third step: Agree on next action steps.
Go through the ask, listen, and repeat method to reach an agreement on next action plans. Start out with, “What would you like to see happen?” “What specific steps do you think need to be taken?” Just as before, don’t start spouting out your statements of what you think needs to happen and what you think has to be done. Allow them to communicate their needs to you and jointly reach a decision. Since the next action steps will be, in essence, their idea, they will have more buy in. Which means, if the next action steps don’t work out 100%, it’s not your fault and the responsibility isn’t solely on your shoulders.
When you go through these steps, you will be able to avoid creating a culture of complaints in your office.
