My friends love to bring me to bars and “people watch”. Why? Because with my training in body language, I describe what is really being said by the people around us. I describe whether or not a girl is interested in the guy talking to her. I figure out how well the couple at the table across the room know each other, if it’s a first date, friends, or relationship. And it’s always fun to place our bets on who is leaving the bar together and who will part ways.
So what exactly am I looking for when I watch these people? Well there are a few indicators that make “playing detective” simple.
Reading Body Language in Social Settings
I start by looking for the level of interest between the two people. They both could be extremely interested in each other (a good first date), one could be more interested than the other (one pursuing the other), or there can be a respectful interest in each other (friends or long-term relationship). When figuring out the engagement level between the two people, I look at their feet, their proximity, their torso, and, lastly, their faces (eye contact, smiles, etc.)
- Feet: The “tell all” body part. Our feet our by far the most honest parts of our bodies because they are closely linked to our limbic system (primal area) in our brain. The feet let us know where someone wants to be. When they are pointed towards the other person, you know they are interested and/or engaged in the conversation. When the feet are pointed towards the door or someone else, watch out. They’re trying to make a break for it, but as politely as possible.
- Proximity: A lot can be said about the space in between two individuals. The closer they are, the more intimate their relationship. However, the further apart can indicate both a new or old relationship. When both people lean away from each other, they are either getting to know one another or they are in a disagreement about something. Sometimes a “normal” amount of space with no touching can be a sign of a couple who has been together for a while. The fire of having to sit extremely close to one another and touch all the time is no longer there. It’s a different kind of intimacy they share. They are comfortable with one another. Also, you can tell when one person is interested and the other isn’t when one continues to lean in while the other leans away. One person might step closer and closer while the other keeps moving back (another indicator from the feet).
- Torso: Next, I look at the torso. Two people could be sitting next to one another with close proximity, but if one person’s torso keeps twisting away from the other person, look out. Chances are they are losing interest and scanning the room for other options. It’s always a good sign when two people are squared up to one another. It shows they are fully engaged and interested in each other. But when any other part of the body starts to veer away, that person is losing interest.
- Face: Lastly, I look at the face. Some people my wonder why. After all the face is supposed to be the most expressive part of our body. True, however, it’s also the easiest to manipulate and lie with. A smile can easily be faked. We’ve been faking smiles since we were kids and our smelly aunt would come and give us a kiss on the cheek and leave an imprint of lipstick on our face. We smiled because it was polite. We fake our smiles and much more even better as we get older. However, I will look at the face to determine how genuine their expressions are. I’ll see if their eyes look at other people when their counterpart breaks eye contact. The face can still give some valuable information, but it certainly isn’t the place to start.
So now you know a few body language tips for watching people in social situation. Place your bets the next time you go out with friends and test how well you can read the body language of others.
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